Artemis the ANT
by Fairyfinder
Summary: What would happen if Artemis Fowl joined the Advanced Natrual Talent group, aka the ANT Farm? Well, you'll never know. This story was abandonded! don't read it, save yourself!
1. Artemis, meet Olive

**A/N: My first crossover! This may not turn out well and I may end up deleting it but I tried. This is the first chapter, if you want more be sure to review.**

**Disclaimer: Wow, I'm used to writing that I don't own Artemis Fowl but never ANT farm. Here goes nothing: I do not own Artemis Fowl (as was stated previously) and I don't own ANT farm. Whew!**

The twelve year old Artemis glanced out the car window and frowned. America was so uncivilized. The young genius flipped his laptop open and did a quick search. The results were disappointing.

"Why on earth is Mother sending me here? I should be searching for Father, not wasting my time on this frivolous school." Artemis grumbled.

"Sir?" Butler called from the front seat.

"What Butler?"

"We're here, sir." The large body guard said.

Artemis looked out his window. Sure enough, there was Webster High School. Artemis groaned.

Getting out of the car the young prodigy sniffed the air and nearly vomited. The smells of San Francisco were horrible. Why had he ever left Ireland?

Artemis followed the rather wrinkled Principle Skidmore to his home room. The ANT Farm.

A man wearing a black and yellow, striped shirt jumped out in front of Artemis.

"Welcome to the ANT Farm!" The man said dramatically, "I just love doing that!" The man slumped and swung his arms, smiling at Artemis.

"I'm sure being an ugly brute is fun for you but for me it is rather annoying." Artemis stated, looking around the room at the other "ants".

The man laughed, "You must be Artemis. I'm Gibson, but my friends call me Gibson."

Artemis groaned; he could almost hear the sitcom laugh track.

Butler had left Artemis alone in this horrible place and Artemis did not like it one bit.

A blonde girl came up to Artemis she looked like she was about to speak. "Hello, you are an 'ant' and I am Artemis. Please do not talk to me unless you are of higher intelligence than, Gibson." Artemis shuddered when he said the councilor's name.

The blonde girl laughed and looked at him. "Oh please! I'm Olive, the only reason I'm here is because I'm smart!"

Artemis looked this "Olive" up and down. "I see. Tell me the square root of pi." The boy demanded.

Olive got a far off look, as if she was reading a piece of paper and said, "The square root of 3.14, also known as pi is 1.772004514666935." She looked back at Artemis, hoping to see that he was baffled.

He was not. "Hmm, you might be someone worth talking to. Pleased to meet you, Olive." Artemis said dryly. Olive extended her hand and Artemis shook it.

"So Artemis," She paused, "Did you know that Artemis is the name of a Greek goddess known for hunting. In Rome the called her Diana."

"I did know that, yes. If you are now wondering why my parents would name me after a goddess I will tell you. My father is named Artemis. As you were saying?"

"So Artemis, what got you into the Advanced Natural Talent Farm?"

"Before I tell you what I was recruited for this, uh, wonderful place, let me guess what everyone else does." He looked around, "That boy at the computer is a professional hacker, I happen to know him from his online name, 'Angus hearts Olive'." Artemis raised an eyebrow and Olive glared at a sheepish Angus. "Moving on, you are obviously here because of your photographic memory. That boy over there is most likely an artist. And the girl currently playing the violin in the recording booth is here for some sort of musical talent. All the others seem to be irrelevant to you."

Olive nodded approvingly. "You got it! The boy on the computer is Angus." Olive said through gritted teeth, "The boy painting is Fletcher. The girl in the recording booth is my best friend Chyna; she knows how to play every instrument except the triangle. So why are you here?" She bumped him, "Your keen power of observation?" She laughed.

"I suppose so. That and my intelligence, musical ability, the fact that I can forge almost any painting, my photographic memory, my hacking abilities, and my natural debate skills." Artemis said smugly.

"Wow! Is there anything you can't do?" Olive exclaimed.

"Yes, unfortunately I've never been good at athletics." Artemis shrugged.

"Okay then! How old are you? I'm assuming elementary level."

"I am twelve. I'm guessing you're eleven, correct?"

"You are right, Arty." Olive said, punching Artemis in the shoulder.

"Never call me that again." Artemis said darkly.

"Alright, Arty –err—Artemis."

Chyna came out of the recording booth and walked up to Artemis.

"Hi, you must be the new ant! I'm Chyna." Chyna said.

"I know. I am Artemis. You might already know this but the boy, Fletcher, is painting a picture of you with hearts around it. It is rather revolting." Artemis said, gagging slightly.

Chyna waved it away. "Unfortunately for me, he does that all the time."

Artemis nodded. "When do the classes begin?"

"We had better leave now. It's only half an hour till science class." Olive said, quickly checking her watch.

"Half an hour? Surely it doesn't take that long to get to class." Artemis snorted.

"It doesn't. The big kids will be in the hallways in ten minutes though." Chyna informed him.

Rather than ask about it he just went along with the more experienced ants.

Artemis, Chyna, Olive, Angus, and Fletcher were in the hallway when the bell rang.

"Oh no! Take cover!" Angus shouted.

"What? Why would I…" Artemis did not finish his sentence but instead was whisked away by the flood of high schoolers.

Artemis found himself on the floor near the men's room when the flood ended. He got up and went into the bathroom. Checking his reflection Artemis barely recognized himself. He was covered with the shoe prints of large children and his normally tidy hair was in disarray. The genius sighed and cleaned up.

At lunch Chyna, Olive, and Fletcher sat together, waiting to see if Artemis had lived through his ordeal with the mob of big kids.

The young genius walked loftily into the cafeteria. He picked out his lunch and sat down. Artemis didn't sit down where the rest of the ants were; he sat down in the only empty seat he could find. Lexi's seat.

Artemis began eating his meal, picking at the suspicious looking bits, not knowing that the full force of Lexi was about to be laid down.

Lexi walked into the lunch room with her normal crowd, which included all of the cheerleaders. Paisley whispered something in her ear. Lexi turned to see an ant in her chair.

The enraged teenager stomped over to Artemis.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lexi fumed.

The boy barely glanced up from his meal. "Currently I'm wasting my breath talking to an airhead." Artemis picked at a hair in his… well, it looked like soup.

"Excuse me?!" Lexi howled.

"You are excused." Artemis said dryly.

"Grrr!" Lexi screamed.

"Mmm, hmm. You must be the pretty snob that every high school is rumored to have. Although you aren't as pretty as others that I've met."

"Who do you think you are? Bossing me around! I'm Lexi! The queen of the popular kids!"

"And I'm Artemis, the extremely annoyed super genius. How do you do?" Artemis knew this would unleash Lexi's full wrath. He guessed it would be stomping her foot and telling a jock to beat him up.

He guessed correctly.

Lexi pouted at being defeated. She stomped her foot and screamed at a short boy. "Cameron! If you beat this big mouthed Scottish kid up then I'll let you sit at the cool table!"

The boy rushed over.

Artemis rolled his eyes. This boy may be more athletic than him but he wasn't even a jock. The popular group was really disappointing Artemis.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to beat you up now." Cameron said, dancing around Artemis with his fists raised.

Chyna came over and dumped a plate of lasagna on Cameron. "Come sit with us, Artemis. You won't have to see my brother make a fool out of himself."

Artemis finally moved and followed Chyna to the ant table.

Fletcher looked him over. "So you're Scottish?"

"No, I'm Irish. You must be Fletcher."

"You're from Ireland?! Isn't that where the leprechauns live?" Fletcher got up and pranced around, "I be a wee little leprechaun. I carry around gold in a pot!" Fletcher said in a very high pitched voice.

Before Artemis realized what he was doing he said, "Don't be ridiculous they don't each carry around their own pot of gold! They have a fund in the bank that they use for ransom money." Artemis paused and then realized what he had said, he gasped.

Chyna looked at Fletcher. Fletcher looked at Olive. Olive stared at Artemis.

"Ha ha! It's a joke!" Artemis laughed.

Chyna leaned over to Fletcher. "There is something weird about this kid."


	2. Fight to Stay

**A/N: Hey Rocky Pond! Who do you think you are, telling me what to do! If you have read my profile then you will know that I don't do romance! The idea!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl or ANT farm, cross my heart and hope to die!**

Lexi was planning Artemis' demise. No one made a fool of Lexi and got away with it! Well you know, Chyna did on occasion, but no one else!

"How about we hire a truck to 'accidently' dump manure all over him?" Lexi grinned at Paisley.

"That sounds like fun! Maybe I can invite Artemis to come join us! He's really smart!" Paisley said, completely clueless.

"Oh that would be fun, why don't you tell him what we're planning while you're at it!" Lexi said sarcastically.

"Okay! Here he is now!" Paisley walked over to the approaching Artemis as Lexi screamed.

"Hey Artemis! Me and Lexi are going to dump manure on you!"

"It's Lexi and I, not me and Lexi." Artemis corrected.

"You mean she's not going to do it with me? Aw! I was hoping I could come!" Paisley started crying and ran away.

"Maybe you should get a smarter minion. Why do you hang out with her?" Artemis said to Lexi with a smirk.

"She makes me look smart." Lexi said, slamming her locker and stomping away. Artemis grinned. Teenagers were so easy to intimidate.

In the ANT farm Chyna, Fletcher, and Olive were talking about the new student.

"He seems really smart." Chyna noted.

"That's the whole reason he's here! Duh!" Fletcher said pointedly.

"I know, but the farm already has Olive. Why is he here?" Chyna wondered.

"Maybe he's good at other stuff too, like ballet. Or maybe he's a leprechaun come to spy on us!" Fletcher joked.

"You know what he said at lunch? Artemis I mean, it was weird, like he actually believed it!"

"Why? What did he say at lunch?" Skidmore said, coming out of nowhere.

"Aaah! Where did you come from?" Olive screamed.

"Doesn't matter. I heard you talking. The reason Artemis is here is because he is a multi-millionaire, and incredibly brainy. We on the school board are thinking about replacing Olive with him." Skidmore said, walking for the door.

"What?! You can't do that!" Chyna screeched, hanging onto Olive.

"I can too. I'm the principle!" Skidmore laughed evilly and walked for her office.

"Olive! What are we going to do?!" Chyna said, shaking Olive by the shoulders.

"I have an idea." Olive said, nodding her head in a slow, devious manner.

Artemis walked into the ANT farm to see a game show set up. Music played and Olive jumped out.

"What is going on here?" Artemis said with a roll of his eyes.

"Artemis Fowl! Welcome to… The Fight to Stay!" Olive said dramatically.

"And what is this game about?"

"Whichever one of us wins gets to stay at the ANT farm, the loser will leave forever!" Olive thundered, "But hey! May the best genius win!" She said with a cheesy smile.

Artemis smiled evilly and Olive flinched. "Yes, may the best genius win. Let the other leave and soak in the humiliation." Under his breath he muttered, "And perhaps I can get out of here."

"What was that?" Olive asked.

"I said, 'perhaps I may get a drink before we begin?'" Artemis lied perfectly.

"Okay, I too get a little parched at the thought of being beaten, which is why I don't need a drink."

Artemis gave her his best vampire smile and went to his "buzzer", which was an orange crate with a child's "The Cow Says Moo" plaything taped on. This was going to be interesting.

**A/N: Just to prove no other author can tell me what to do I made Artemis and Olive enemies. Good luck finding me to scream in my ear or whatever you were going to do. Unless your Artemis Fowl, or possibly Angus, you'll never find me! (Evil laugh). **


	3. Lexi Beware

**A/N: Rocky Pond, I'm sorry for being so rude. I just don't like people telling me how to write my stories. I really don't like writing romance so Artemis and Olive are not going to be in love. They're too young anyway. Sorry for being so rude.**

**P.S. It would be so cool if you were actually Artemis' cousin! You should write a story about that!**

**Disclaimer: I own two mice but not ANT farm or Artemis Fowl.**

The game show had begun and Artemis was in the lead. That was not where he wanted to be. His plan was to lose and then go home and tell his mother that he had been kicked out of school.

Chyna was acting as host for the ridiculous game and Fletcher was keeping score.

"What is the capital of Russia?" Chyna asked.

Artemis rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to push his "The Cow Says Moo" buzzer.

"It is Moscow. Although it used to be St. Petersburg." Olive said.

"That is correct!" Chyna exclaimed as Fletcher gave Olive another point.

"Beat that, Fowl!" Olive smiled.

"I will try." Artemis lied.

Before the show Chyna had asked Olive what categories she would like to have. That's right, they were cheating! Chyna was asking questions that she knew Olive could answer. Unfortunately Artemis knew all the answers too and he could hit the "Cow Says Moo" toy faster than Olive could.

"Next question: What Greek goddess killed Orion?" Chyna asked.

Artemis groaned. It was like they were trying to make him win!

Artemis held his hand back, but it took all of his strength.

"Are you sure you don't know this one, ARTEMIS?" Olive asked, with a large smirk, "I really thought that ARTEMIS would know this one. Why don't you try? Hmm, ARTEMIS?"

Artemis hit his "The Cow Says Moo" buzzer; it was killing him not to. "The Greek goddess who killed Orion was A—err, Athena. The goddess of wisdom."

"Sorry, that is incorrect. You lose all your points. Olive, if you answer this correctly you will not only get the point for answering, you will get all of Artemis' points." Chyna said.

"The goddess who killed Orion was Artemis, the goddess of the hunt." Olive laughed.

"Congratulations Olive! You win, Fight to Stay!" Chyna announced as the ANT farm went nuts.

Olive offered a hand shake to Artemis. He reached out to shake it and Olive pulled it away quickly.

"Psych! Oh yeah! I'm the winner! You lose! Oh yeah!" Olive giggled.

"A well-played game, Ms. Doyle, congratulations on keeping your spot in the ANT farm. I shall be taking my things and my leave." Artemis was a good sport on the outside but on the inside he was laughing joyfully. He could finally leave this horrible Webster High!

"Too bad you lost!" Olive called as Artemis walked out the door.

"Oh, I'm perfectly fine with it. Happy in fact. Tell Principle Skidmore that she should never send an invitation for me to attend this school again. If she does, tell her I will become her worst enemy." Artemis waved.

Olive frowned. There was something very strange about Artemis. Had he lost on purpose? Olive didn't feel like such a winner anymore.

Artemis left the school and headed for the house that he had been living in with Butler. They had rented it for a short while, which meant Artemis was planning on leaving the USA soon after they had arrived.

Butler was cooking lunch when Artemis arrived and Artemis did not have a key. He knocked on the door but Butler didn't open it.

"Hello? Butler? Are you there?" Artemis called loudly.

There was a click as the door unlocked and then Butler swung it open.

"What are you doing home so early? School doesn't end for three hours!" Butler exclaimed.

"I was kicked out I'm afraid. There was a contest to see who would stay at the school and who would go and I lost." Artemis shrugged.

"It was a sports competition?"

"No, an intelligence competition. I am starving, can I have some lunch?"

"Not until you explain to me how you lost. I know that there is no way that you could have lost an intelligence fight. Tell me what happened." The large man demanded.

"I just lost. The competition was fixed anyway."

"Did someone threaten you? I knew I should have come with you! Tell me who it was and I'll break their bones."

"Of course not! I lost on purpose, if you must know." Artemis walked past Butler while the body guard stood, shocked, in the doorway.

Artemis headed for the kitchen and served himself some of the soup that was on the stove. Butler came in and took the bowl away.

"I was going to eat that." Artemis commented.

"You won't eat anything until you tell me why you lost. You know that your mother wants you to go to this school. Explain."

Artemis gave Butler a look that said, "Are you really telling ME what to do?"

Butler frowned down on Artemis. "I trust you will tell the truth?"

"Yes," Artemis nodded slowly, "I lost because I didn't want to make a girl cry. She was very sensitive and I did not wish to hurt her feelings. It is as simple as that."

"I can tell your lying. If you're not going to tell me what happened then I may call your mother. This is your last chance."

Artemis sighed. "I lost so that I would not have to attend that dreadful school any longer. Even the idiots at St. Bartleby's were smarter than these teachers. I was hoping that I would not have to attend school at all until Father is found but if I must then I would prefer a school in Ireland that is not filled with complete dunces."

Butler looked over the boy for a moment and then nodded. "Very well. I will call your mother to tell her that you were expelled from the school."

The manservant rose and went to the phone. Artemis' stomach growled so he got some soup.

At around 3:30 PM a knock sounded on the door. Artemis was reading _War and Peace_ for the fourth time that week and Butler was packing.

"Anyone home?" A familiar female voice called.

Artemis rolled his eyes and went to answer the door. He found Olive sitting on the door step, head in hands.

"Ms. Doyle, can I help you?" Artemis groaned.

"Oh, hi Artemis. Listen, I'm sorry about the game. Chyna didn't want me to tell you this but," She paused and looked at Artemis, "We were cheating to make sure I'd win."

Artemis smiled a vampire smile. "I knew that the whole time. Your friend isn't the best of liars. It's like she's performing for some sort of television show. You can almost hear the laugh tract whenever she does something mildly funny."

Olive smiled. "Yeah, it does seem to be pretty corny around Webster. I mean seriously, we have a queen bee girl who bosses everyone around, I'm the smart one, Fletcher has a major crush on Chyna, and it's like Chyna is the star of some TV show!"

Artemis nodded, "My thoughts exactly. Have you ever had a bully at your school? That would put it over the top."

"There is this girl named Violet who has anger issues. She kind of is like a younger Lexi, except instead of mental pain she gives you physical pain!"

"Of course. It seems to be that way on television most of the time. There are groups that everyone falls into, and if you don't fit in any group you seem to be a person on the sides, no better than a prop."

"That's exactly how it is at Webster! It seems so shallow." Olive frowned.

"Why doesn't Skidmore do anything about it?" Artemis paused, "She must be the classic mean principle whom everyone fears."

Olive nodded sadly. "I wish we could do something about it."

"You might be able to; I'm going back to Ireland in two days." Artemis shrugged.

"I'm sorry about getting you kicked out. Skidmore told us that if you stayed she'd get rid of me. Chyna is usually the one who comes up with the plots to 'save school'. One time we stole a painting because the artist had stolen it from Fletcher. You wouldn't believe some of the other things we've done."

"I think that I'd believe it. Your life seems quite normal compared to what I've been up to lately." Artemis rolled his eyes.

"Really? What kind of things do you normally do?" Olive inquired.

"Oh you know, make my teachers look like fools, building a fortune, a few illegal enterprises, the usual." Artemis smirked.

Olive stared at Artemis. "What?"

"Theft, kidnapping, breaking and entering. I've done it all." Artemis did not mention who he had kidnapped.

"Um, you know what? I think I hear my mom calling me!" Olive said with a whimper. And with that she ran off.

Artemis smiled. He never really liked Olive anyway. The boy spotted a bucket of water hanging over his porch. If he took one step then the bucket would fall onto his head, triggered by a trip wire. The boy acted like nothing was the matter and bent down to "tie his shoe". In reality he was cutting the trip wire in a manner so that the bucket would fall into the bushes.

"Aaah! My hair! My makeup! Cameron, you said this would work!" Artemis smiled down into the bushes at Lexi and Cameron.

"Never mess with a genius; you'll end up wet." The boy smirked.

Lexi chased Cameron down the street. Artemis laughed. America did have its perks.

"Butler! Stop packing. I think we'll stay a little longer." Artemis called into the house. The prank war was on and Artemis Fowl II would stand victorious at the end of it. Lexi beware.

**A/N: Sorry again Rocky Pond. I hope you liked this chapter. If you write a story about Artemis' cousin make sure you tell me and rate it K so I can read it! **


	4. The worst ending possible

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long. Here we go… (Cracks knuckles)**

**Disclaimer: Oh I know, you know, we know that I don't own A.N.T Farm or Artemis! (Sung to A.N.T. Farm theme song)**

Lexi was planning what prank to pull next. This week she had almost got Artemis soaked by a water bucket, soaked by jelly bucket, and soaked by a bucket full of creamed spinach. Maybe she needed to mix things up a little. A bucket of mustard should do it.

Artemis was also planning, but not for the same thing as Lexi. He was plotting a romance novel that he sometimes wrote in his free time. He had already covered Lexi in itching powder that she had thought was blush, filled her hamburger with crayons, and attached a "Kick Me" note to her back in the middle of her cheerleading practice. The cheerleaders, who were rather stupid, thought it was a test and kicked her. No question as to who was winning the prank war.

Besides in class Artemis hadn't seen Olive since he told her he was a criminal, which disappointed Artemis. Olive was the only one at Webster who understood the burdens of being a genius. No one else understood what it felt like to have so much knowledge at your disposal.

Artemis sighed. Olive would have been a true friend if Artemis allowed himself to have friends. Ah well, that was in the past, the future held many crimes and Olive would get in the way.

There was a ring on the doorbell. Artemis checked his home security system and saw Cameron, who seemed to be Lexi's henchman, holding a bucket of some yellow liquid.

Artemis chuckled and pushed a button on his keyboard. Instantly Cameron rushed into the bushes, having been scared off by the loud siren Artemis had installed for instances such as this. It worked perfectly, but then again, everything Artemis designed worked flawlessly.

Lexi smacked her fist against a tree as she saw yet another prank fail, maybe Artemis was too good for her.

"Gasp! I did not just think that! Lexi gives into no one! Cameron, you're fired!" Lexi bellowed, "If you want something done then you've got to do it yourself!"

Artemis smiled as he caught this conversation from a bug he had inserted in Lexi's purse. Perhaps it was cheating to use the bug, but when did a Fowl ever play by the rules anyway? Now was the time to plot a devious plot, something Artemis Fowl the second excelled at.

Olive Doyle was currently helping Chyna spy on a ninth grader that Chyna thought was cute. It was the most boring activity Olive had ever participated in.

**A/N: Um, sorry to stop in the middle like this, but, um, I hate to tell my fans this… Ok, here it goes, now don't kill me, but I'm quitting this story! Sorry! I just don't like the show ANT Farm and this story is getting rather boring anyways. I never even wanted to write this all that much. I just thought it would make a good story and wondered why no one else had thought of it. I'm very sorry to those of you who enjoyed it!**


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